Another woman taken too early

Throughout my lifetime it has always been the same. A headline appears detailing the final terrifying moments of a young woman. When you read these articles your breath catches, you feel your heartbeat starting to speed up and all the near misses you have experienced in your life flash through your mind. When I read about Ashling Murphy it was 100% the same.

Immediatly I started thinking about my own daily walks. I walk my dog twice daily, usually at lunch and after work. It's a busy roadway, with businesses and houses all along the route. But there are places that are dark, the street lights don't work well. I find myself in the winter adjusting my schedule to make sure I'm not out at night in the dark unless my husband is with me. I wonder if the worst was to happen while I was on my walk alone, would someone hear me scream and would they try to help.

On many walks I meet men, young, old, on their own and in groups. My dog always barks at men. Always. They laugh at my dog, 'Oh he's very protective' they say. I laugh as well but in my mind I am saying thank god he barks. Thank god my dog is protective. But he's only small and I wonder how much he would actually be able to protect me.

As a woman I can't help it, it has become a normal reaction to be consistently taking mental risk assessments as soon as I leave my house. From the day we are born, we are peddled a list of rules that we as women must follow to keep ourselves safe.

- don't ever wear that

- you can't walk alone after dark

- if you have to walk alone be prepared. Have a weapon, have your phone ready

- always check under and around your car

- don't unlock your car until you are about to get to it

- once inside lock your doors immediately

- you can't go to this spot or that at anytime of day or night

- text me when you get home so I know you're safe

- don't say that

- don't wear too much makeup

- don't act like that

- don't lead him on

- don't encourage him

- watch your drink at all times

- etc, etc

I was six years old the first time boys, not men made inappropriate advances towards me. It happened at school and when it reached it's apex and our parents were called in, the school told my parents I must have done something to encourage the attention and action of these boys. It was just boys being boys. All the usual rhetoric that is spouted to make women be quiet. Until my parents threatened to sue the school, they were quite happy to turn a blind eye. They did little to change things after that, deciding separation from each other would be enough. To this day I wonder if those boys grew up to be monsters.

30 years later it seems very little has changed. A young women out for a run is dead, the victim of unnecessary violence. Before she left her house, she probably thought as all women do, I must get out before it gets dark. It will be safer. Her family would have given her the same knowledge and rules that all girls are given in the hopes it will keep them safe. Instead a young women has lost her life and a family is left grieving because the world has decided to turn a blind eye.

I hear the cry 'But it's not all men' and while it maybe true, it is ALWAYS MEN, and until we stop turning a blind eye and start holding everyone accountable for the inappropriate and dangerous things they may only now joke about this cancer of violence against women will continue forever. We speak about leaving the world a better place for our children. Why is it so hard to make the world a better place for ourselves now? WE MUST DO BETTER!